I was the "new" one, too....and now I am the "old" one. Bottom line, neither my ex nor I are going to be capable of a healthy relationship until we both really do the recovery work it takes to get healthy. So do I envy anyone who comes after me? Nope, and besides, I know the focus has to be on ME, so I am capable of sustaining a loving and secure relationship one day. And I know I'll get there.