Thread: Fear
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Old 04-06-2012, 10:42 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
laurie6781
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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Posts: 6,101
What he is doing, is not doing, or going to do, or not going to do is not really the problem.

You have stated it, your problem is YOUR FEAR. And none of us have a Crystal Ball to tell the future. When I reached the point you are at now, I went back to some of my early 'tools' in recovery from my addictions and pulled out a very beautiful poem that I used to read many times a day:

Footprints in the Sand

One night I had a dream...
I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord, and
Across the sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand;
One belonged to me, and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of my life flashed before us,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that many times along the path of my life,
There was only one set of footprints.
I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in my life
This really bothered me, and I questioned the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,
You would walk with me all the way;
But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life,
There is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why in times when I
needed you the most, you should leave me.
The Lord replied, "My precious, precious
child. I love you, and I would never,
never leave you during your times of
trial and suffering.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you."
~~~~~~
Footprints Prayer
Over the years I have found several different 'framings' of this beautiful prayer and I have one hanging in each room of my house. It has become a constant reminder to me that my HP is ALWAYS there for me, and that when I have 'fear' I am losing 'faith.'

That and the Serenity Prayer, reminding me that I can only 'change' me took me quite far. I also, every time I got the 'WHAT IF's' going, would sit down and take a good look at me and what I COULD DO FOR ME, to keep moving forward to the future WITH or WITHOUT 'him.' How could I make myself a stronger, INDEPENDENT, individual? Well, for me, that entailed, more meetings, more private counseling and more one on one time with both my AA sponsor and my Alanon sponsor.

Back then there was no SR or I can assure you I would have been posting, lol. You are taking the 'steps' you need to take for you!!! Remember, the steps we take for our own recovery, never seem like enough to us, but ............................. we take baby steps, sometimes we take 2 forward and 1 back, but we KEEP MOVING FORWARD in our own recovery. And NO it never feels like we are moving fast enough, lmao but we are moving forward.

You ARE moving forward, even though you do not think so. Please go back and read your posts since this latest episode started. Read it like you are reading someone else's posts. You will see the 'progression' of your awareness. You will see the 'progression' of your growth. You will see the progression of your personal 'change in attitude' about this man 'you thought you knew.'

All of it positive.

Every time you feel 'fearful.' Every time you want to 'cry, rant, rave, scream, and yes even laugh' please come here and share with us. We have been where you are, and we DO UNDERSTAND.

Love and hugs,
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