When I was living with myxah, my children were 3 & 6, he was verbally abusive to them, then emotional abusive, my respond was "just ignore him, he is drunk", XAH help me raised my kids and I did not want my boys to grow up w/o a "father figure" so I stayed. What my kids learned was not to trust, not to feel and not to talk.
I justified every thing my X did by sying just ignore him, I was blessed my kids did not end up alkies or druggies but one is a codie and the other one just major social phobia and anxiety issues.
I had to learn to forgive myself and thanks to my HP and al-anon, we are all recovering, I realized my XAH is a very sick man, emotional unavailable. I know my oldest son still wants a relationship with his "dad" but my youngest does not, and that is okay with me, I am there to show my es&h, they know I love them and they know I will never stop loving them, and that I did the best I could with what I knew.
WTBH, best luck to you and your children, I feel your pain and I know you will do what is best for them and you.