General feeling of there being no safe places, that I would always feel alone, trying to stave off anxiety or just falling into the anxiety loop. In my session I mentioned how I was on this one FFA forum online (heh) and how someone called me out on controlling behavior, and how I could see how it as controlling but how I felt so out of control and untethered.
I did not have an actual big trauma that I could fall back on as my issue....but repeated small traumas can add up over time... I also was resistant for a long time but feel safer in the world as I have gotten support. EFT, and a therapy called Hakomi has worked for me. I think EMDR is great but have not actually experienced it.
I have one big trauma as a teenager, and then another 3-4 over the years that reinforced the feelings of alone and unsafe. The thing is that I've been through treatment through all of it before and felt like I was managing well -- I even did EMDR and it was transformative for me. I'm wondering if the last couple of years, dealing with RAH and the fallout of his drinking when he was still active, hasn't stirred some of the old *hit up. Or if I wasn't as well as I thought I was.