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Old 04-02-2012, 03:01 PM   #16 (permalink)

Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 25
Hi everyone! Thanks for all the well wishes, positive energy and good made day 9 and I feel so lucky because I feel FANTASTIC! I don't have a lot of energy but I have a huge desire to DO STUFF so I'm making myself get moving and finding that I really am enjoyinng the doind...the living life...used to always tell myself that id wait til I had a big bunch of pills to do anything...from housework to going for a walk to damn near anything...then, pills would come around and id do a few and while I had energy I had no motivation to do anything except smoke cigarettes, play games oon my phone and watch tv...but then as id run low on pills the excuse to not do would be that I was low on pills and not feeling as good...round and round I went never really doing anything but the day to day that HAD to be, I feel alive again...and happy...I look outside and I SEE things...I have been going for walks, taking my kids to the park, cranking thru housework...and at times crying endlessly over the 4 years I lost that I didn't realize I was losing...and then crying from joy at the fact that I get another chance to do those things....being able to dye eggs with my kids without needing to go to the bathroom and do a pill first...and not spending time away running...or even worse dragging them along for hour plus rides get pills... I am really so happy =) id be a bold face liar if I didn't say that I don't want a ppill atleast 10 times a day...and at night especially because I'm still really restless until I fall asleep...but I don't want one enough to trade everything I've just gained...there is no way a pill makes me feel anywhere near as good as my son hugging me telling me how happy he is that I'm not sick anymore or tired and that I want to play now...I promised him id never be sick like that again...never... the ugly thoughts of addiction creep in and I tell myself, well maybe one day ill get just like 4 or 5 and then only do them that weekend and then stop...but I know that's not true and I know that's not what I want so, I just tell myself I'm not ready for that today so don't even think about long as I do that every day, then ill be day at a time...rings so true to me now... for all those struggling thru withdrawals...its hell...there's no way to sugar coat it...but at under 2 weeks out it was worth every second already...I can't remember the last time I was so happy =) thank you all for your support past, present and internet is down at the moment so I'm on my phone, which is why I was mia a few days, but I'm going to try and start posting more too...start paying it forward so to speak and helping myself along the, I'm off for my nightly stroll...trying to get it thru to my restless legs that they should be tired at night when I am too LOL
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istherehope999 (04-02-2012)