Maybe you could try to focus on what you want for a little while rather than what he wants? Realistically you cannot acheive many of those goals while he is sucking the life from you. You could wait and wait and wait and he will never change while youre still enabling him- he doesnt need to! I agree with other posters that you could get a lot from some recovery work, NarAnon or CoDA or whatever, I think it would make a huge difference if you were to commit to it.