Horrible day today with this, saw him this morning and spent time for the first time in a couple weeks. We ended up fighting as usual. Yesterday my hostpital lie got him to back off but he called and asked for food money, I sent him a bit which obviously on part went to food. He called me first thing in the morning, before I was even up.
He is really disappointed as am I because I can't seem to go back east with him or put up with his lies and stuff anymore, I keep calling on his **** and he isn't liking it. He wants the rent money in cash as he wants to go back east by himself. He said he got bad news from the doctor and time for him is running out. He does not think his problem is drugs except he can never get enough, as it is the only thing that helps his pain. He also said he spent his money on pull tabs and scratch and wins so he wouldn't buy dope. I should never have answered the phone, I had a nice day planned at a pow wow I was looking forward to for a month now, I'm back at hom and a mess, I still want to go to the pow wow. I don't want to give him the cash for the rent, I told him I'll buy him a ticket to go back east but I don't want to be responsible if he blows all that cash and hurts himself or hitchhikes and gets hurt as he said he would do that instead of the bus. This is the first month, - second month I've been trying to put my foot down about not giving cash. I might change my number today. This breaks my heart, I wanted it to work for us to be together back east in a small town where there are no drugs, and be with him til the end if need be. And I'm not sure what is meant by my issues run deeper than enabling him, I know that, I 'm a recovering addict myself with no self esteem who has been off pot, cigs for two weeks and 0 ability to handle stress. (I don't do hard drugs, just pot and cigs and beer and I stopped drinking almost 8 months ago) I've been straight and doing what I can for my health including meetings, reading NA lit etc and staying clean, putting my sobriety first.