Here is the shakedown with my exabf:
I tossed him out over 3 years ago...he continued to use crack, drink and who knows what else, lived on the street, really didn't bother him, he has done it before.
He now gets SSI, $1080 per month as he has mixed connective tissue disease, 3 types
of autoimmune disease...caused by using drugs for over 25 years. He is basically crippled, all because he couldn't let the dope go. He rents a mobilehome and now has a scooter, he probably weighs 130#...all because of his bad choices.
I do not help him, I have no contact with him...the only reason I know anything about him is because I am friends with his sister and her daughter recently died, so, I saw her at the funeral and she just had to unload and I was who she chose.
I am not responsible for him, I did not cause him to use, I am not his keeper and I will not
enable him or for that matter have any contact with him. It's over, he made his choices and I make mine.
IMHO you are a big part of the problem, you need to work on you, your issues that run much deeper than your enabling him.
The money you waste on him can be used to get you healthy, so you can live a healthy, fullfilling life, until you get healthy...nothing will change for you or him.
The ball is in your court.