Rose,
I was here earlier and my response got nuked...so here I go again.
First a (((((HUG))))), I have felt that pain. Perhaps you are learning that you cannot look to another person, especially an alcoholic to fill that hole in your sole. Not your children, friends or us or your Al Anon group.
I remember being to the point that even when my husband TRIED it didn't feel right. I still hurt. Your self image cannot depend on anyone else...it has to come from within.
I don't believe there is any magic fix....but if you stay with your program and trust the ones that have gone before you...and keep your eyes on the ones that have what you want and learn from them it really and truely will get better. I promise.
And 059 is so right...I did get selfish...really really selfish and I erected thick walls until I was strong enough to pull them back down and establish boundaries.
So sorry for your pain...you are not alone!
Hugs,
JT