Thank you Shockozulu! I am definitely going to go to the beach. I have missed out on far too much for worrying with him. I have discovered, maybe rediscovered, the power of "authentic community" aka "girlfriends". There is nothing quite like em when you are down and out and mine have been wonderful to me. INCLUDING some that I met right here at SR. Reaching out.....I have finally begun to accept that it is not a bad thing, or a sign of weakness!