First, is that just because he's sober doesn't mean you can control him now-- and "giving" him the responsibility was just that and I read issues of control thematically throughout your posts. This is an issue for you to explore about yourself in counseling, Alanon, or both.
Stop being right. I was just about to defend myself re: putting the ball in his court, but that's its own method of control, isn't it?
Why do you need someone to tell you what is reasonable for you to expect?
Well, I don't know. I'm getting a lot of mixed messages about early sobriety and I'm unable to tell what's him being him and what's the fog of early recovery. My counselor is urging inaction until I have all the facts from an addiction counselor, so that's part of it.