Florence, I know what you mean, once my XAH was sober, I still had tons of resenment and was very lonely and frustrated, yes no sex life either, he was just "there" in body but I still did not have the emotional part of him, sober he was still emotional unavailable.
I had no excuses for his behaviour, so I had to face that he was who he was even without the alcohol, the fantasy was over, actually he was a horrible partner sober then when he was drinking if you can believe it.
That reality still hunts me, I am happier now that he is gone, and actually I feel less lonely. But it is painful, my prayers are with you.