Detachment and Disconnect
My RAH is approaching 6 months sober. Things are quiet at home, thankfully. He's happy, coasting along on good feelings and success, while I'm still simmering over the BS he put me through last year and disappointed in how our relationship is going. Things are incredibly distant between us. He spends most of his evening free time diddling around on his phone playing games. I gave up on trying to get his attention (I call it detachment) and take long walks in the evening or spend a lot of time reading. I can't remember the last time we had sex. I'm trying to take care of myself -- exercising, eating well, drawing, therapy -- but I'm unhappy. I married someone who was lying to me, and now that the truth is out I feel like I don't know who I'm married to. The past couple of years have been a series of disappointments and let-downs stippled with minor successes, and after the last time he really burned me, things just haven't been the same. I don't look to him for comfort or reassurance. I resent myself for giving up all the things I did to be with him, and I resent him for using me and lying to me while he was an active addict. I threw in all my cards hoping he'd finally get sober, which would at least give us a chance at reconnecting and having a happy life, and now he is and there's a whole lot of nothing. I've communicated all of this several times and he expresses regret, but does little about it. I asked him to take the reins and find us a marital counselor and after several months, the only movement he has made is a couple of phone calls. I feel like this is less about the marriage counseling in particular, and more about how it takes him weeks to schedule any appointment anyway (effing annoying). My counselor is advising me to hold off on making any decisions until I know what's reasonable to expect from a new RA. Folks on SR have basically said, dude needs to hit the ground running and what is he waiting for.
I don't know what to think. In short, sober isn't enough for me. Sober is great, and kudos to him, but being happy with sober and sober alone is some pretty low expectations.
Looking for some feedback and a place to vent.