I struggle with the same issues, so don't feel bad. I, too, have concluded that my AS does better when I let him figure things out on his own. If I make a bunch of 'suggestions' then I think he only feels worse.
The only suggestion I've been making this time (he's in an SLE also) is to listen to the advice of those who have gone before him. Do everything they tell you to do. So far, he's doing exactly that. Praise God!