Madison, All I can say is you are not alone in anything you are thinking, feeling, doing, etc. We have all been there, though our stories may vary to some degree, there is the underlying theme of addiction. I have to say it still amazes me when I read the words that come out of the addict's mouth (from several different people and posts here) ...I cannot help but wonder do they all share the same script..lol??? I read so much here and have so often said to myself, "I have heard THAT before", sometimes verbatim. I am not meaning to sound derogatory toward the A's in any way, just trying to put a little levity on what can be an awful situation.