Hi Rose
When people we love are emotionally unavailable it hurts, and I am sorry you are hurting so much. Your feelings are valid whether or not he acknowledges them, and you have a right to respect, honesty and love.
Like you, I hit walls when, even though I was working my program with dedication, nothing seemed to go right. We just have to keep moving forward and eventually the wall will come down and we find ourselves a little further than we thought. In hindsight, I wonder where I would have been going through the things I did, without program. Not a pretty thought.
Keep looking after you Rose. You are important and lovable and worth the effort. And turn over his disease to your HP and give yourself a rest.
Right now, all I can do is send you a hug ********{Rose}}}}.