Thank you so much ((hugs))
I'm truly doing SO much better today.
Last night I was in a funk(weather changes had a lot to do with it I believe)
and I really let the fear and "what ifs" get to me.
I sat down and did some mediating, went to school today, and I got my head back on straight.
I've learned in these past few months not to let someone else's addiction rule my life, let alone my past with addiction.
I cannot constantly let my mind go to him and what he may or may not be dong, otherwise it will ruin me and where I am in my life now. I cannot and will not let that happen.
When we moved to a new state and I found out he had relapsed after nearly a year clean, it nearly ruined me.
I became obsessed with him and his DOC..
That's why I originally joined SR, so that I could learn about his addiction..
Ultimately coming here turned a table for me.
I stopped focusing on him, and began focusing on what is more important: MY RECOVERY.
I'm not willing to let my son lose both of his parents to this.. so I backed off and took the necessary steps to make sure I'm not treading water alongside him.
I feel great today, I really do.
The sun is shining, I feel the hope again.
I'm just glad to be alive. I cherish every day I wake up to see my beautiful son.
I have so much to look forward to every single day, even on bad days.
Knowing where I was six years ago and where I am now gives me the drive to move forward and to never consider going back.
There's is nothing good in a life ruled by addiction. There's no sunshine in that world, not for me anyway.
For now, I keep my faith in my fiance, and leave myself open and available should he need my support.
I don't pick and pry like I used to. I'm just an open ear if he needs it, because what he does is up to him and there is no way I can or would ever again attempt to sway him to my side of things.
I know, I'm such an unorganized rambler sometimes.. It just feels so good to be back here and be able to say what I want when I need to.
I'm keeping my head up, not flying too high in the clouds.. going to stay level headed and realistic through it all. I know miracles don't always happen overnight.