I can't really add to the advice or words of wisdom already posted so I'll just echo it
I mostly just wanted to send you some support. I thought I would crack in half at the stress of breaking up my family.
Originally Posted by
booksanddolls 
Everyone is seconding what my family, friends and the little voice in my head is saying. I need take care of myself and my children. After this turmoil I'm not sure I could face a relationship for a very long time.
Right now I'm all about making short term goals to try to figure out what I am doing next. If I can get over the legal hurdle of custody of my children, we can figure out what our new life is going to be like.
This is wonderful to read. You are going to be OK, better then OK!! I did see a counselor very short term. It was very very helpful at the time so don't hesitate to do that for yourself.
I was so enmeshed in the belief that keeping my family together, no matter how miserable I was, WAS the thing to do to protect my children. It was the answer to being a good mother and doing the best for my boys. It was a dysfunctional way to think for sure. Once I began to let reality sink in a little I saw my 3yos (twins too) follow him around the yard on their little mowers, my older boys looked up at him with nothing more then a little boys admiration and wanting to be just like their dad - and as things progressed with just a smidgen of unease. Such sadness and confusion at the broken promises when he failed to follow through (because he passed out or no motivation to do much). It was so scary for me to see that. I had a flash in my head of them all following behind him, like little ducklings, stumbling right into that black hole of alcoholism.
I'm not sure they really get it yet, and I've let go of that outcome. They may never understand my decision to divorce their dad. But that is OK. I am their mom and I just make the next right decision and do the best I can and I'm an adult. I can see the big picture even if they can't and maybe never will.