Personally, I think the greatest tool that we use is "guilt" We feel guilty because we care. You most likely you hope and dream that life will really change if he only would stop drinking. We only should feel guilty if we have done something wrong. If we havent then we are not guilty of any wrong doing.
You wrote: I'm so worried about the influence he is having on our boys. I have two children over 18 and alcoholism played a huge part in the growing up years.
Here is saying that has helped me:
Once if a FLUKE
Twice is a COINCIDENCE
Three times is a PATTERN