Feeling Guilty for Going
Well today is the third day in a row my AH has been sober in over a year. I broke down crying last night because he wants me to give him another change and I just don't think I can do it. I don't trust him anymore. He won't go to rehab or meetings, and I'm certain that he will start drinking again.
I'm so worried about the influence he is having on our boys. Last night he was helpful and it was probably the first time he was helpful and patient with the kids in a long time. I know he thinks I should give him another chance, but in my mind I've already left. I feel guilty for wanting to leave.
Last night I phoned my best friend in Australia sobbing and saying I think I should just stay, even though I know staying isn't good for me. I'm hardly eating. Am dropping pounds everyday (down to 119lb and I'm only 5'9).
Is this normal to feel a case of the guilts? He's still blaming the drinking on his old job and saying everyone there drank and that's the job he was dismissed from for drinking and has been a alcoholic ever since. I did confront him last night and ask if he had a drinking problem before we met and he said yes. I really wish I had known that before.