Have you attended Alanon?
I ask that because there are members in my group that have stayed with their alcoholic. Some of their spouses are still drinking, some sober for many years.
Here at SR there is a small, active membership that has found serenity while still married to their alcoholic.
However, most of the members that come here are hurting and reaching out for support during addictive crisis. They are caught up in the drama of active addiction and they are looking for answers. After regaining some stability in their lives through support and time, they move on. Some check back in, and some don't. We hope they all have found lasting serenity.
My personal experience is this:
I am divorced from my alcoholic husband of 14 years.
I do still love him, but as person that has shared significant life experiences with me - with fondness and thanks for the life experiences.
He and I have moved on to live seperate lives. Lives that include different partners.
I don't know if my AXH is sober.
I know that he will have a place in my heart as someone whom I shared life with, but he can no longer be an active part of my life today.