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Old 03-24-2012, 03:01 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
sugarbear1
~sb
 
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,951
sorry, I was out for "a bit)"

(all of this is said in a calm and gentle sober voice)
A sponsor's role is to guide you through the steps.
Some sponsors become friends, some don't. You haven't known her very long. This is why we need a network of friends as sponsors aren't always available.

Many people in AA are attempting humbleness and ego deflation, although I find most humans fall short of this, no matter how much they think... (well, there they go thinking).

This is my opinion. I had to cancel on my sponsor last minute once, and was given a talk about giving notice in advance, which wasn't possible that particular time, although on more than 3 occasions, I've changed my schedule to meet theirs--last minute.

That's a bit "uneven" and we are all on the same plane, in my opinion, no one is better or worse than the next human. We are all fallible, so I gave that one to my higher power.

I had my own situation when my ex committed suicide and called my then sponsor, who never returned a call, and I ended up drinking again. I can't blame her, it was my choice, but when I returned to AA this time around and ran into a lot more people, it's funny how "everyone knows about my ex" but not one person called me to see if I were okay. Humans are fallible. We are all flawed. Many are still self-centered, including me.

If I had a vehicle, I'd be picking you up to take you with me on that particular evening, to make sure you aren't alone. I'm also on the codependent side, too. At least I would have had a lengthy conversation with you. Maybe there's something you aren't letting us know about your situation.

Usually, when we are in that kind of situation, there's a lot more to the story than has been written or told. You've had "quite a few sponsors" in your words. I'm not sure what's going on, but usually when I've had problems, I tend to be part of the problem, in some way. I can't put it all on another person anymore. I used to, though.

Please make sure you call a few people every day. Enlarge your sober group of friends. This way, at least one person will come and help you out.

Don't rely on that sponsor to focus on you or drop everything just for you. If that sponsor does that, maybe they feel you won't grow in some way. I don't know, it's a guess.

Texting in the middle of a group conscience isn't focusing on the task at hand, which would have been the Group Conscience, where our attention needs to be. Waiting until afterwards would be a good idea. We always need to look at our own behavior first.

I'm so sorry about your friend's passing. Feel those sad feelings, but don't let life get in the way of your sobriety, as you seem to be doing ok with sobriety for now.

There's so much more I'd like to share, but maybe you will realize that sobriety comes first, no matter what life throws at us. Don't rely on one person for anything. Neither you nor your sponsor are right or wrong, but learn from this. Keep her around and work the steps with her. Have a lengthy discussion about this situation. Maybe this can be on your first 4th step (resentment) and you can fully discuss this with her. Of course, it would all be about your reaction to the situation. Her 4th step would be between her and her sponsor.

Don't give up on her just yet. You may find yourself without any sponsor and that isn't good at all.

In sobriety, we are just learning how to have true friendships and relationships with others. Let this resentment go to your higher power for the moment. There is time to discuss this soon enough.

Stay strong and stay sober, this is number one priority. Call your sponsor and let her know you need to vent and have a talk. Maybe the only thing that may have been different is letting her know you needed to be with her and if you had asked if she could pick you up or meet you after that meeting, then things may have worked out differently, I don't know.

We often don't know how to tell others how we are honestly feeling.

Say some prayers, read the literature. More will be revealed.

I wish you sober serenity.
More love and hugs sent to you.
Peace,
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