OMG, you got me to come outta my shell, 3 x's today. Think that's a record.
What got me to this forum?
When I was married, I belonged to an abuse forum. Started to shy away from that bc they would talk about things, like h disappearing for 1 or 2 days. That wasn't my case, mine would disappear for weeks to months at a time.
When he was home, he just looked for anything to go at me with. I would actually enjoy when he sat in his room to drink, hoped he would fall asleep. Afraid to even sneeze in my room, that might wake him up.
Got to be too afraid to even post on an abuse forum about what I was going thru, no one would believe me.
Finally left.
Still read on the abuse forum, but still afraid, I came here, bc I couldn't stop drinking, just wanted to wash everything away, wanted to go to sleep and not get up.
So, in a way, I have advanced. I quit drinking 8/2/2011. But since I came here I also realized that my ex was also an alcoholic. I was never really worried about that. I was worried about the temper, the way he would look, when I knew that he didn't even see me, just saw an enemy.
Yes, I think in addition to being an alcoholic, that he also had or has a mental illness, and was also abusive.
This is why I hide. Can't, don't want to go thru anything like this again.
Don't know why I am saying all of this, but when you described the hiding and isolation, it just felt so similar.
Also, was just thinking of getting a dog, this way it will force me to go outside. Was also thinking of a cat, this way I don't need to go outside.
It's really hard to determine when you can let another person into your life. I want someone in my life. I think about it all the time. Do I think that I can do it, at times, yes I do. Other times I just want to lock the world away. Don't ever want to feel that pain again, the pain of feeling rejected, no matter what you do, just forgotten, left behind, and nothing matters, and thinking to myself, yes, I am a person.
And since you asked, and since you are wondering about it, I say "go for it", it is the same advice that I would give myself.
Allow yourself to open up again. Give time for the trust, you don't need to give that immediately. Live your life. If this doesn't work out, at least now you opened that door.