but I also have scars from a marriage where I didn't have enough money to feed the kids but there was always money for expensive liquor and fancy parties for his friends.
Yes, I had this experience too, although I don't have children.
I am worried that with this person, I may feel attracted to him because I feel comfortable with him. And if I feel comfortable with him, is it because I feel not only will he be willing to accept my bad habits but also that he has secret dark habits hiding of his own?!?!?
I know this is a bit of paranoia... but this is what I am dealing with right now.
Anvilhead: How does the attraction feel? I'm not quite sure. Like I said, I've been working hard to build myself up lately. Feel good again, you know? It's not surprising that I get to have the wonder of attraction thrown into the mix - and it's only the 2nd time in a year! I've just met this person. He's very funny. I could see us working very well professionally together (I do freelance and his field of freelance is ripe for collaboration). I guess the attraction feels good. I'm still in the state though where I have to "allow" myself to enjoy it. Like, I can't enjoy it outright.
Another problem I feel is that I am very passive about this situation when this calls for me to be more active. I feel with everything I've gone through, I don't want to approach anybody. If someone has an attraction to me, I feel like they ought to do the work. Since I am a woman, I guess that's acceptable, though I was never like this before and I'm not sure that's the way to go.