Thank you for your words. I needed to be talked off the ledge this morning. I'm quickly realizing through this whole recovery process that I have my good days and then I have bad ones.
I'm trying SO hard to keep focusing on myself. I keep thinking to myself that I can't control what happens to him, and I can't be dragged on this roller coaster ride that he's on.
I'm mainly trying to work through the resentment I have towards him...and frankly, towards everyone else. I find myself almost angry at some of my friends who have normal relationships. Normal meaning, they are not dating addicts. When they talk about a problem in their relationship that seems so small to me, I would LOVE to have only small normal problems in my relationship. I almost resent the fact that they get to wake up everyday and not worry, when I'm waking up everyday worrying if today will be the day my boyfriend will stick a needle in his arm again.
I know I will eventually have to move on from my resentment towards my boyfriend, and let go of the hurt I have towards him for all of the chaos he's caused in my life, and his. I feel like if I don't let it go, we'll never be able to move forward from this.
As of right now, he's being allowed to stay in the house.
Trying to take this one day at a time.
I'm a planner, I make lists, I always am one day ahead of this one in my thinking and planning for everyday life. So trying to slow everything down to think just one day at a time, just try to get through today before thinking about tomorrow...this is a big adjustment for me.
Breathing....just breathing.