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Old 03-23-2012, 07:32 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
incitingsilence
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
Don’t tell him what he has to do…
Ask what he can do to help himself when he is in a bad place in his head and let him work it out, give him that gift. If you have to give advice tell him to share with someone there who will understand better than you could…Beg out, stop being his sounding board, listening is ok, advice a huge no no, you aren’t equipped to deal with this and you can’t even begin to understand what he is going though…

Everything you wrote that he spoke of is very normal, let it go, let him run it out in his head, let him find solutions, and do not react to anything because you do not know what will be because this isn‘t yours…

And why set him up to fail in your own mind, is that fair? How do you know he will leave and use, the best day my husband had was the day he ran out of the house in a panic … fear in his eyes, with a I can’t do this anymore …he went to use copped, cooked and didn’t. In that moment he was a mess of emotion because he learned his hardest of lessons using was killing him, and not using was killing him and he wasn‘t ready to die yet, as he said I could have taken myself right out, and even there I failed, I couldn‘t so now I have to figure out how to live…interesting insight that I did get…so they can work it out and do if they are allowed to.…and that started his true road to recovery.

No one gets help who doesn’t want it, are they truly ready, that is a whole another story. Ready is when you run out of your own excuses and justifications of why you need to use, this can take time and it is something only learned by doing… codependents have to run out of theirs as well that keep them enabling.

From watching there is no done and over with heroin addiction, ever. This will be a long hard fight for him…which he can take on and succeed in.

Which leads to the question what are you doing for YOU … cause this was all about your fear for him and I will tell you right now those fears will trap you and keep you sick and then you will pass that on nicely if you let them rule by enabling him out of the fear.

There is no way in hell you can be in a relationship with an addict if you aren’t working on you. Not working on you makes you part of the problem…the addiction is really counting on you to do your part, to hide yourself away, to keep it a secret, to smooth it all over and make it pretty, to run them morbid thoughts of death through your head day in and out, it needs your help, do you think you need to help it…maybe you could help you instead which the addiction hates…

This is your chance, surely you can see for the moment he is in a safe place…so if you ever had an opportunity to help yourself now is the time…want advice, work on you, only you…I know it is hard, but you have to block him out for now, you won’t be able to save yourself if you don’t and honestly you are the only one you could ever save…you deserve your time, give yourself a gift today.
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