Originally Posted by
twolivestouched 
Zaso 77: I do have a younger sister (much younger but the logic holds). i would tell her that she needs to live a life that she is proud of, and is she proud of the life she has now?
I have thought long and hard about that (almost 3 years of pondering that question) and i dont know if what i come up with is a reson or an excuse. So I just wait for some clarity or that final straw moment. I just dont know that it will ever come...or if it will be to late when it does.
Want to know one of the reasons why I stayed with my AXGF?
Fear. Fear that if I left, she'd commit suicide. But then, as I educated myself about addiction through Al Anon and Borderline Personality Disorder through reading, I recognized that suicide was her trump card. The ultimate in manipulation. She could be behaving horribly, and then she'd pull that card out and it would change the subject instantly.
But you know what I learned? I may have stayed for whatever reasons I had. But
she only stuck around so long as I enabled her to be helpless. And once I started my own recovery, and I was reacting to her behavior differently, and actually getting healthier...well, she did something awful...and then we were done. Ten weeks ago tonight, actually.
I guess what I'm saying is so long as he's in active addiction, he can't love you in the way you want to be loved, or should be loved. And that's because he can't love himself if he's slowly killing himself. It just is, twolivestouched. It doesn't mean that he's not capable, from time to time, of kindness. But he can't sustain it over the long term so long as he's in active addiction. He's very, very sick.
There were several times last year when I should have left my AXGF. Several. But I didn't. Call it fear, call it denial, call it what you want, I stayed. And that was a big mistake that has cost me a lot.
Please. Don't make the same mistake I did. Do what's best for you.
Best,
ZoSo