"He is such a good man sober but such a terrible man drunk."
I know what you mean, nahade. Some people think alcohol just reveals who the true person is. But I personally believe alcohol distorts who a person is. I do believe alcohol can turn good people into monsters.
I grew up in your part of the country and I know the culture. Alcohol is a big part of things where I came from and men just drank. They all did and some of them became alcoholics. Like yours did.
I saw their women run into the ground mentally and spiritually from being verbally and sometimes physically abused. One woman I knew used to have to hide in our cellar with her children when her AH was on a drunk. She never divorced him, she could never have supported herself, there was nowhere to go. He got worse and worse and one day he shot himself while he was drunk. He didn't die. He stopped the drinking, but he was an emotional mess for ten more years. Then he died a natural death of heart disease.
His children, all six of them, grew up and either became alcoholics or married one. My best friend is one of his girls and she has been married to an alcoholic for 20 years. Her husband didn't stop drinking until he got esophogeal cancer. (Caused by alcohol). He's still alive. But he's not happy. He never went to AA and found some friends. He's not happy.
I share all this with you because I know there is a good chance you will hang on for a long time waiting for him to change. He might change and he might not. But while you are figuring things out, nahade, I recommend you live separately from him. Life is precious, your life is precious and you need to protect your spirit and your health. He may go on and off the wagon again and again. It will be ugly. You will be hurt. So if you feel you cannot leave him for good, at least live separately. Bring people into your home--friends, family--who make you feel safe and happy, who love you just the way you are. So when he does go off on his binges, you will be in a secure place knowing you have people who love you no matter what.
Welcome to SR. We are glad you are here.