Originally Posted by
twolivestouched 
He is kind, warm, we have converstaions that we lose ourselves in, we laugh about stories from the past..hopes for the future...what our son will be like. We go for walks, have water fights in the kitchen, play board games and change all the rules then 'argue' about how the other broke the rules. He makes me laugh, he makes me feel like I have a place in this world.
Then he gets drunk and shaters that whole perfect world with a bat mad of booze and then I hate myself for falling for the (see above) and getting the same druken ending.
The sad truth is that these are not two different people, just two sides to the same man. You cannot separate one from the other.
If you can live with, accept him, love him exactly as he is right now, drunk and all--great!
However, it does not sound as though you can accept the drinking side of him (and I certainly don't blame you).
I'm sorry to hear that you have gone through so much. You deserve peace and joy!