perhaps it's because whenever I told him that I was too stressed and might need to walk away for good, he looked like a sad puppy and told me to have faith on him...
& he called me last month (we broke up in Sep as he kept accusing me of having other guys and gone crazy, seems it's typical case in this forum) and said how confused he was and how much he hated himself for not being able to stop troubles in his life. He thought that I have nice life, lot of friends, good career, lot of guys persuing me. He kept telling me to go to see him; and he needed attention. As silly as I was, I met him... Finally, it ended up crap... I slapped in his face countless time; he grabbed my collar and lifted me up. I called Police and we went No Contact since then.
I'm 31 and his 30. Actually it must sound very naive to u... coz we've been just together for 3 months, lived together. And 5 months of daily messages after break up. He's a chef and worked long hour, in 1.5 week, he already gave me his house key. He always persuade me to stay there but I have 9am - 6pm work. Whenever I stayed, I didn't have enough time for sleep as I stayed up with him till 2 or 3am. But whenever i didn't meet him, he got drunk and blackout. It was like baby sitting. I kept thinking to leave him and I told him that I couldn't be there waiting forever for him to quit cocaine and alcohol. But he told me that he wanted to get treatment (i didn't even suggested it) and he kept saying that he wanted to have baby with me. I said "yea, u'd feed the baby with beer" (new I see all these as red flags).
I know... other member said that I shouldn't waste another 30 years in crazy train. When I was with him, I always knew that I could easily get someone better and I was always thinking to leave him... but now, in the end, it's hard to let go?
I have have to admit that I have issue too... Since we broke up and since he never stopped contacting and being irritating sometimes, I had said many hurtful words to him. I called him "drug addict" / "human scum"/ "rubbish" / "I never met any low class guy like u" / "why don't u just kill yourself so that there's no more trouble for u & the world"
I'm bad, I'm sick... I need help. I need therapy. I think that the counselling from social worker is not enough
