Ahhh thanks everyone! I am doing ok with it so far. I knew something wasn't right with her for several months now...just couldn't bring myself to go in and "know" for certain - still working on that denial thing! ; )
The amazing thing is she doesn't even know. And probably won't until its time to put her down - when she starts showing symptoms of not feeling good anymore. I too promised her I would not let her suffer.
She has had a great life, half of it spent with my sister and half with me. She's been to the top of mountains, on back country camping trips, RV'ing to the beaches of Homer, Alaska (where she was fascinated with the waves... she would run around trying to catch the tide!) Once a week she gets to go to the office with me and hang with the other office dogs. We walk everyday - even if its just a short, cold, jog around the neighborhood.
She's got some great dog stories to tell - like the time she tangled with a porcupine at our cabin up north and how my RAH patiently pulled each quill out of her face (took HOURS, there were hundreds) or the time she fell through the ice on the river and with quick action, we fished her out before she went under, or the time she met a moose for the first time on the driveway. It's those memories of adventure I love the most. She was a rescue Pitbull with her own neuroses who just blossomed when given the chance. And what a great dog she has been!
Letting go will be hard, but I know when the time comes, its the right thing to do. And she'll go in style, just like she lived.
Cy - thanks for the idea about the ashes. I was thinking of the trails where we spend the most amount of time...and building a little cairn is an awesome idea! That way, when we walk out there with the other dogs, I can visit her too...say hello as I go by.
I will get another dog. I recognize this is part of being a pet owner, and accept the consequences therein. So many animals out there who need good homes, and they enrich my life so much that I couldn't imagine not having my pack around. When the time is right, I'll go visit the shelter, just like my sister and I did when we got ****, and give another dog a great life, even if its just for a little while.
Thanks for letting me ramble!