Originally Posted by
blackandblue 
Oh dear god. I just cut the cord and it hurts. I endured a stupid conversation that started in circles and ended with him making fun of al-anon and my recovery. Then he called me an alcoholic. I laughed. I managed to slip in a goodbye and it's over. (A plea to self- Please for the love of myself and god, do not contact him anymore). I see how this is a cycle of defensiveness between two crazy people. Truthfully, tonight I just feel rage, emptiness, grief, and unbelievable cynicism about romantic love and relationships. Think I will stick to friends and family. Enough is enough.
Anvilhead- I see that it is about me and I am working on that. I realize I am unavailable for intimate love. I keep setting myself up for more hurt and I have to let go.
Zoso- Enough was enough from the start. I held on because I was blind. I confused love with something else entirely. This man never loved me. I chose a man who could not love me. That is what frightens me. I read your previous post and it does give me hope. And yes, I like to hear what you think. I have more hope for recovery tonight.
Fourmaggie- Tough question that I cannot honestly answer. I am sitting with this one.
Outtolunch- Thanks, I did not write it. Been there done that.
Thanks to all!
Please don't personalize what happened. Was he capable of moments of kindness from time to time? Sure. But the problem is he (and addicts in general) aren't capable of sustaining that type of emotional commitment over the long term. You thought otherwise. And so did I. Both of us paid for it.
Now that the cord is cut, be kind to yourself. You're going to be in for one heck of a ride emotionally. Ground yourself the best you can. Don't isolate. Reach out to your supports. Do something good for yourself. And reaffirm every day that you will get through this even though the pain may be awful.
Be safe, and God Bless.
ZoSo