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Old 03-19-2012, 10:51 AM
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aliveforme
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Henderson, NV
Posts: 35
Making amends....I need to understand

I was married to an active alcoholic for 16 years. Unfortunately, he was never able to get better. When we divorced, I did not want him to make amends to me because I was so angry. I have been working with a therapist for almost two years and have made progress. It is slow, but I think I am doing well and am optimistic.
Here goes.....I am now re-married...oddly enough to an RA. He is deep in his program and doing very well. We have spoken at length about both our lives and we are deeply connected. I encourage his program, it is good for him and I both.
The thing is.....he wants to meet with an ex to make amends. This was his first love and he did some very terrible things to her and her family. He is making amends to all of them. I understand and support that.
I'm not sure I understand the process of making amends though. He wants to meet her face to face, can't do it over the phone and it seems very secretive, private. It gives the impression that the amends is coming from a place of love and endearment....like an intimate thing that lovers would share. Am I wrong? Is it private because it comes from a place of shame? Am I wrong about that too?
We talk about a lot of things...and we have talked about this and I really don't want to bring it up with him again. I just wanted an outside opinion from others in the community.........thanks everyone.....
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