Thanks to all of you for your replies. I know this will get easier but right now I feel pain, shame, guilt, etc. I know it's not healthy. I feel just abandoned. I was in therapy for awhile before he went to rehab. Because of my work situation, it was becoming increasingly difficult to continue to find time to leave and go. This therapist was really good and had me looking at the reasons I would have stayed in something that was making me feel so bad. She actually called me a few times after I canceled my last appointment to find out why I didn't go. Last week I received a letter from her stating she felt we were making progress and that she would have liked to continue. That comp;letely shocked me that I would receive a personal letter from her.
I called her this morning to set up an appointment asap. If she can get me in today or tomorrow morning I will go.
This is just too much for me to handle right now alone. I feel guilty for not being present to my beautiful 3 year old daughter and I feel like she can sense my unhappiness. That is not fair to her. I have to remember that this person who just threw me in the trash lost the best thing that ever happened to him and he threw it in the toilet. It's not my loss it is his. I have to wake up and believe I deserve better than this but also understand why I made these choices. I put myself in this position over and over again.