You don't have to say a word at meetings. I used to go to AA meetings, didn't talk for quite a while, but I listened and that helped...a lot. So did the "meetings after the meetings" when people would just hang around and chat...I was much more comfortable then, but that led to being more comfortable iN the meeting.
As far as recovery? It IS a lifelong thing...be it addiction or codependency. In time, you'll learn to focus more on YOU than what he's doing, who he's doing it with. Quite honestly, his recovery is all his, as is yours.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy