I agree with this wholeheartedly! Ever time my exAB and I got back together I just kept telling myself I simply needed to hold my boundaries better, not take him so seriously, change my attitude and perceptions...basically make myself stronger around him so I could "deal" with him.
For what though??? I had to make myself impervious to his crap in order to be around him. It's impossible to be detached and totally loving to someone at the same time. So, I spent most of our relationship flip flopping between being detached so what he did couldn't hurt me and being loving so I could share those very RARE moments when he wasn't drinking or smoking pot and his real self came through.
Too much work for so little payout.