Originally Posted by madisonblake

Yes strangely enough my ex and I had a ton in common (except drugs). When we were together, we got along great, had great talks, had many common interests and just had a great time. Unfortunately that would never last that long without some crazy incident happening that would stir up the biggest argument, and then back to normalcy. A crazy roller coaster ride.

My mom is staying with my daughter and I tonight. I think I'll go stay with my sister's family this weekend so I am not alone. It's just really hard to speak to my family because they just don't understand why I would even be so heart broken. They don't understand and I can't really expect them to. They just say things like "you can have anyone, you are smart, talented, independent, etc" You know, all the things that make me feel good but I can't really explain the why and expect anyone to understand because I know it makes NO SENSE. It's just insanity.

The thing I keep repeating to myself is that even if his story were true (which I highly highly doubt) and he didn't relapse, I still shouldn't be with this person who is obviously an unhealthy relationship partner. Who wants to be with someone that made you feel like you can't raise an issue without getting hostile? Who wants to be with someone that makes you feel like you are crazy for bringing up an issue? Even if he were clean, who would want to be with someone who didn't make the necessary steps to make you feel safe or stand up for you? Not me. So high or sober, I still don't need to know an answer like I used to have to know on whether or not he used. If this were me a year ago, I would have broken into his phone records, taken his phone, just done all around crazy stuff. This time, I didn't need to have that "evidence". The evidence was all around me.

But it still hurts.