black and blue,
I am sorry that you are hurting. It is kind of amazing that with all that distance and space that the hook is always ready for hurt...and I get it.
I know that for me, the last relapse and the insinuation that it had to do with our very minimal contact...was the last straw. I think it was just another layer of manipulation. That my ex could sense I had hit my bottom and that he could finally pull that trump card and blame it on me. and you know what our last contact was a really lovely date (!) but once he walked out the door and used there was nothing left to lose. I was done, and I could be used as an excuse
he always needed an excuse.
there is NEVER a reason/excuse to use.
if there was I would have been totally wasted drunk in blackouts over the last two years.
do what you need to do for yourself to let go again. if it means you need to make a call, then make a call. there are no eggshells that you need to tip toe around. make a call and then turn the other direction...back to caring for yourself and finding your well being and peace...you have done a lot of work on this and it is time to resume.
this disease does kill sometimes.
he knows this
but you know that you have no cause in this.
did you give him money for heroin? did you give him a needle?
you have no cause.
I pray for your peace and his.