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You’re welcome


This is one concept that RR/AVRT does address when it comes to making a Big Plan (I will never drink, and I will never change my mind) that I forgot to mention earlier. Everyday = Now = Never, I will never drink in the now, which means of course I will never drink because it is always now. Every moment of every day will be and is NOW! There is no tomorrow because when you reach tomorrow it will then be now. This is one way to get over the apprehension of using the word never. To accept that by saying never you are in effect saying that you will not drink now, whenever that now happens to be.

To steal a line from Terminally Unique: "this is you;"

"This is your beast" especially the bolded part;


I would bet it was a moment by moment struggle sometimes wasn't it? Those are the times when your AV was at its loudest "feed me Seymour!" The key is exactly what you did or rather didn't do; you recognized the desire but did not take action. After two years you felt no connection because you had starved your beast ever so slowly into submission and eventually it quit trying, it’s still there and occasionally once a year maybe you still feel that twinge, ever so slight just a gently tug on the cuff of your trousers, "can I have a cigarette?". It was exactly the constant denials to the urge that killed it and AVRT is basically a how to guide to doing exactly that!

Once again you;

Even coupled with the next day anxiety, abysmal lows, the fact that the problems come back the next day only now so much more amplified? I thought I would address this part of the sentence more because it troubled me as well. We drink to get high, plain and simple. The reasons that you have listed here are excuses for feeling that high. With continued alcohol use you forget what it feels like to feel happy or even normal without alcohol and have complete disregard for the natural highs that are available to us through ulterior means (exercise, sex, attaining a hard won goal). We grow to know only the high of alcohol, that is all that makes us happy because as we use it more and more that is all we know you brain unlearns any other ways it might have known and dismisses them as not on the level of the "deep pleasure" that is easily provided by drinking.

Furthermore, eventually as we continue down the rabbit hole, we grow accustomed to the negative effects of alcohol hangovers become a way of living in-between highs. High is the desired state while the misery it causes in its after effects just become normal. It is at this point that we drink more, we still want that high but have to push past the pain of yesterday and our bodies own adaptations (tolerance) to get there. So you drink to push past the pain that was caused by alcohol in the first place. Hair of the dog anyone? Every day becomes this cycle; we drink to feel pleasure and we do, then we feel miserable but we are used to that and know the perfect solution drink more.

Once again your AV/beast all it cares or know about it this;

Indeed it would. Now ask yourself, what if the doctor gave you that prescription and you took it as prescribed, or as you mentioned once a week (I have no idea how antabuse is prescribed). As I understand it antabuse has no effect on the desire to drink, it only causes massive physical trauma if you do. So you would stop right? You would feel the urges, but knowing that you could not drink without disastrous after affects you would not do it, you would not take action. Am I right? Now say you go back to your doctor after a month or even a year on the medication and your doctor tells you that the entire time it was just a sugar pill, a placebo? What would be your reaction? Would you be angry? Why he just helped you stop drinking when you thought you couldn't. Would you go back to drinking? Even though you now realize you stopped under your own power?

My point here is that the desire for antabuse is in my opinion merely the desire for a better reason to stop, a physically present and obvious reason to stop. You have already expressed that you want to stop, so think about your reasons, are they somehow less legitament than physical pain? Are your reasons for wanting to quit, less abundant or quantitative than actual pain. I know mine weren't. I wanted to stop because it was making me miserable every day I woke up felling like hell, cursing myself for the imbecile I was and at times contemplating just getting this ride of life over with via a 9 millimeter train. Is that pain any more real?

Physical pain is an obvious motivator for avoiding harmful things in life, but when it comes to emotional pain it is far more difficult. Why? Because for there to be emotional pain there needs to at one point have been pleasure. A breakup with a girlfriend is painful because the first three months were awesome. A death in the family is painful because you remember fondly the good times spent with the loved and lost. So why does quitting drinking feel painful? I imagine it can seem painful because you remember it being pleasurable, and it is painful, but not to you, to your beast


Your beast desires pleasure and doesn’t know about emotional pain. It only knows pain when it is denied pleasure. It does not know or care about the pain that alcohol inflicts on your life. It doesn't care about relationships ended, or opportunities squandered. It only knows pleasure. You have to know that all of the pain both physically and emotionally you feel is you not it, and that If you let It your beast becomes a terrible wraith of devastation, it consumes anything that stands between it and you with its constant drive. It disregards families, denies other forms of enjoyment, forgets responsibilities, it becomes all that is or will ever be. That is the very essence of what your beast desires. It doesn’t care or know that this will obliterate you, it doesn’t know about death in the sense that you know it. It only knows pleasure, and will stop at nothing to get it. If and when you let this beast control you, that is the end state.

Man I am wandering off the point if you even stayed through that rant I am impressed. But anyhow, pain is not known or felt by your desire to drink, it is felt by you. You have expressed that you wish to take a drug that would promise the threat of physical pain, in order that you may combat with your desire to drink. Has alcohol not caused enough in the way of emotional pain in your life to cause you to justify quitting? If so then I would think that after you came off of the antabuse you would have no more reason to stop and therefore loose the bunker you have built from which to fight the beast.

My suggestion is to reach within yourself and find the reasons that you want to stop drinking, list them if you have to but find them within yourself. You are naturally going to be hearing thoughts of "no that isn't that important" and "well drinking doesn’t really affect it that much". Ignore those comments completely, if you find yourself unable then list whatever the reason was anyway. In fact especially list the things you want to initially and then feel those doubtful feelings or hear those dismissive thoughts. Those are the reasons that you want to quit.

Are they more important to you than feeling a little physical pain? If so then I would recommend making them your reason to quit rather than a prescription, because those will never run out at the pharmacy.

Well I have been talking out of my ass about long enough, sorry I tend to rant if you get me on the right subject and recently I have been feeling fairly passionate about this particular one. I will step down off of my soap box now and stop polluting your thread unless you want me to . Also remember I may have no earthly clue what I am talking about, these are just my thoughts not necessarily facts, the important thing is how much of it is fact for you.