TiredButHopeful,
I agree with everyone above. You said multiple times. Abuse can start subtly, slowly progress. Where it becomes normal. (this is coming from experience)
I know that I needed to heal. Needed to be completely removed and for some time before I could even recognize it. It was no longer "normal" for me.
As for the previous girlfriend. Had anyone asked me, I would have told them, my husband was not abusive. I would not have been lying to them. I honestly didn't think I was.