Confused
I originally posted to Newcomers to Recovery someone helpful told me this would be a good place for me. Sorry for the rambling:
I am new here and rather nervous. I have been married for 8 years and together for 10 with my husband. We have three beautiful children, 6, 4 and 1. For the past three years my husband has been addicted to cocaine. It began slowly and started I think because of all the money problems we had. In this span of four years we lost a restaurant, a home and went bankrupt. Because of this we moved to NC for a new start. We got pregnant with my 1 year old there so I couldn't work right off. He started to disappear for days at a time, sold our things and took our money. Because I was not working at the time it made it all so much worse. After I had the baby he swore to me he would stop and everything would be okay. It didn't of course. I was so scared, I had never dealt with this before so I called my family and they took over. They came and got me and my kids and took us back to NY. For the 6 months I was away from him he called me constantly, begging me to return. Saying he would die without me. I loved him so much and was so scared that I went back against my families wishes. We moved to Florida for a fresh start. I got a job, the kids were settled in school and daycare and I was waiting for him to get a job as well. We have been here a year, no job and he started using again. He has stolen from me, sold his wedding ring, which I still can't forgive him for. The latest was he used up all of our tax return that we needed so badly. He came home a mess and the kids saw him like that! I told him that was the end and told him to leave. He pleaded and cried but I stayed firm. We have no money for him to go to a good rehab place and he says the state ones are terrible. So he left for NY to stay with his parents. I told him he is not allowed to see the kids unless he is clean and has had treatment. The calls started again, he wants to come back to do an outpatient program here, which means he would have to come back home. I am so scared of this. Part of me wants him back, but the other just wants this over. I keep telling him no but he keeps calling and texting and emailing me. He says that this is the only way it will really work, if he is here with his family. And his parents will pay for it. I haven't told all of my family yet, just two sisters and they want him out of my life of course. I just don't know what to do anymore. My 6 year old son is so angry and sad all the time. He wants his dad back. I told him he was sick and had to be away for a while. I am just so confused and tired. I have three babies to care for, work and bills that are taking over everything. I am sorry if I am rambling I just don't know what to do.
If anyone has some insight or anything please let me know.
Thank you