greetings fellow Virgoan...of all the signs I think we may be known as being the most perfectionist?
There have been so many times when I have had high demands and expectations of my own reactions, and there have been many times when I have been belittled or shamed for my imperfect reactions, either by myself or by others. In a perfectly altruistic and compassionate world one might be able to communicate with someone who has hurt them so deeply and not feel a "negative" emotional reaction. I think that type of perfectly compassionate person has a name...well, several names Jesus, Buddha, Kuan Yin...
For me, an imperfect but learning, growing and grieving human being, my anger usually signals a boundary being crossed. My anger (for ALL of the valid reasons it exists) does not mean that there is not love in my heart. Anger may enable me to detach, reinforce my memory so that I continue to detach, protect my own mental, emotional and physical boundaries so that I actually can get the space to understand what detachment...from someone you love...feels like. IS like.
It has only been since Feb 22nd, that is a very short time to process so much hurt, betrayal, grief and "intense realities". Remember you are a human being and we can only really process so much at a time. I continue to find that I need to have some realistic expectations for myself, and sometimes when we are so busy trying so hard to be strong and do the right thing we can forget to be gentle and loving with ourselves as well.
I am sorry for your loss, sorry for your hurt and betrayal, sorry that someone you love (I'm guessing deep inside under the anger) is not only in jail but so caught by addiction that you have to not have contact. It is painful, and you are doing the best you can. Keep reaching out, keep breathing and praying, cry, drive with the radio on loud and scream...whatever it takes. It is your own well being you are trying to protect...and the best thing about it is that it is the best thing for everyone involved.
Prayers and peace to you.