madisonblake

Long story short, my boyfriend (who I knew for many years before we dated) had a serious addiction to opiates. He finally went into rehab last December and finally I got the person back that I always knew. He made all the right steps, got sponsor, went to meetings every day, etc. We did have a few arguments a month ago over trust issues (not shocking.) He said they did tell them in rehab that a "contract" with those who have trust issues with you is a good idea. He did that for me. Make a long story short, it was telling me he would no longer delete texts out of his phone, delete call histories, block certain individuals, etc. Everything was going better than it ever has since we started dating a few years ago.

Fast forward to the last month. You know when you just get a weird feeling in your gut? Nothing even happened but I looked at the phone just to see if he was really holding up to the contract. The text and call histories had been deleted. Contract violation #1. When asked about this, he reacted with anger. Apparently his sponsor had been asking him to borrow money, his sponsor had fallen off the wagon, etc and he just didn't want any of those texts that were arguments even in his phone. I honestly don't need any of you to make me feel dumb right now. Just looking back, he seemed to be really well in every way, shape and form. There was nothing really there to make me believe he was using.

This past weekend, I unplug his phone to charge mine on his charger and I see missed call from the one person I know has no business contacting him who use to do drugs and sell drugs to him. Several months ago my ex told him to no longer contact him and that he would physically hurt him if he did (this druggie friend threatened me at one point.) My ex had called his phone company and blocked several people from texting him and calling (supposedly from calling.) This druggie friend called twice with no voicemail that night. He called again the next day. When this happened, I clicked answer and gave the phone to my ex and told him to answer and see what he wanted. He hung it up. He went on a major rampage about how I should never have done that, this person is from his past drug days, he wants nothing to do with him, if he does talk to him he will just want to attack him, I shouldn't expect this, bla bla bla bla bla.

There's so much detail I'm leaving out but the important part is this. If that were me, if I had been the one who destroyed someone's trust, if I had something to really prove to someone I loved, I would have answered that phone, put it on speaker for him to hear and have had that conversation. Period. I also would not have blocked this guys texts but continued to allow him to call me. We both have sprint phones. I know that you can block calls just as easily as you can block texts. Am I being paranoid? i just think he blocked the texts so I would never be able to see anything I shouldn't see. If I were a recovering addict doing what I needed to do to regain trust, this person would be blocked, period, including voice calls and I certainly wouldn't hesitate to answer the phone to the person who was supposedly the "most important person in my life" and have that conversation.

I don't know what I'm looking for here. I feel stupid that I let this person back in just to have this happen again. I just don't get it. You make a contract and you fail to follow through on it on many levels and you fail to make a simple move to make the person you're with feel more comfortable. What am I supposed to think? I'm so angry.