As the wife of a recovery heroin addict, who gets it..
This is his addiction, not yours and you know nothing. And this isn’t about that constant they lie or any attack on your intelligence…It is about the fact that it isn’t yours so how could you know what is the truth or what is a lie for that matter…you will drive yourself nuts if you look at things through him.
Also try not to lose faith, again all about the above. They can and do get out, intact. It isn’t easy but it can be done and is all the time.
Your words in this thread show you are looking for answers, but there will be none if you gauge this all on him, and what you want of your past together. Honestly the past is the problem. It will keep you chained in memories of the good times leaving you to dismiss today’s reality and how bad it has or is getting. And in the end what you should want is nothing of the past but a future in which not only you are healthy but he is as well…the past is always part of the problem.
Heroin addicts get clean, especially if they are allowed to run it out. And they are well known for chipping, which means he might just be using every couple days, again you won’t know and you don’t need to…he is the one that needs to know, to learn about himself, and they do learn using as well as not using…your learning is different.
I know he told you not to take a loan out, listen to him and please keep that off the table for you, no matter how much you think it will help When he is ready he will be more than capable of finding help on his own and will go to the ends of the earth to get that help. He does that for his addiction doesn’t he? And he will for a chance at recovery.
Also understand that you can not help him…but you can not help which is good thing and let him live it his way, let him learn from wherever his addiction takes him, don’t bail out or jail to calm your own fears. Stay out of his pity parties and the blame game, and don‘t feed into them...
And the best gift you could give him is to spend your time working on your recovery, and leave him to work on his or not…why would anyone want to change or do the work if everyone around is doing it for them…fixing, managing, smoothing over, saving are all bad things, avoid like your life depended on it cause it does and so does his.
Know also that you will have no control of who does enabling him, just as you have no control over him so try to get hung up there, it is just another trap to keep us stuck.
Fix you, accept that he is an addict, and know that today is never set in stone.
Take care of you and your son and let life happen, because it will, it never stops, we just stop living in it …don’t stop living!