Originally Posted by
Skye10 
Hi, I'm new here, although I'm not new to the world of addiction. My ex husband was an alcoholic. I know that I cannot help him and I'm keeping my distance and boundaries with him. I guess at this point I just need some support and to talk and listen to others that are going through the same thing.
I should have listened to my gut. He was addicted to meth over three years ago. Eventually quit, and continued to smoke weed. He now is doing out patient treatment due to a court order. He is monitored with random UA's and yet he still continues to use. Although recently I found out, he has talked to some other guys in treatment on how to control their "anxiety" without testing positive on a UA. Instead of smoking weed, he has started taking Tramadol, Suboxene, Somas, and benzos. I had no clue he was using pills until he started nodding out on my couch one night, and I couldn't wake him up. I am so scared for him
I truly believe he will be sent back to prison or worse--possibly death.
I know I need to keep the focus on me, but its truly hard when someone you love is slowly killing themselves.
Hi, Skye, and welcome to the board.
You are thinking the things you need to be thinking, which is good. I understand what you mean by it's hard to watch someone you love self destruct. Everyone on the board gets it, and you've come to the right place.
May I suggest a couple of things that may be of help to you.
I would read the "Stickys" at the top of the page, especially the "What Addicts Do" Sticky. That drives home, in blunt fashion, what it is you're up against. I would also find an Al Anon and/or Nar Anon meeting local to you and start attending. Coming to the board is a very strong first step, but it's also important that you have support local to you. That way, if need be, you could call someone when you're having a hard time.
Please don't beat yourself up over what you should have done differently. When we love someone, we may make decisions based on what our hearts tell us and what we want to believe. And sometimes that gets us in trouble. So, as you've said, it's time you take care of you.
Be Safe.
ZoSo