Here comes victim mode and the blame game
So, my AH has been dry since his DUI. I keep making the mistake of trying to talk about things which he sees as me bringing up the past and then he gets into victim talk and he starts blaming me for the fact that he hid his drinking, etc. Here he is 3 weeks after an extreme DUI, looking at possible jail time, and he still blames me for the reason that he hid his drinking.
He still justifies his lies and tries to make it seem like he's the victim of my judgmental attitudes and trust issues. I am tired of just about everything with him right now. He says he has excellent willpower and that's how he's staying away from the booze. He says that he purposely sat at the bar at his favorite beer house while on business last week and he ordered an iced tea, just to prove to himself that he can stay away from the beer.
After talking for what seems like hours, he starts saying stuff like, "I'm afraid to even go to the grocery store with you because if we walk past the booze aisle you're just sitting there judging me and wondering if I'm craving the beer." Seriously? Does he really think that or is he just trying to set me off and get me to look as crazy as he is?
I have decided to just not even talk about our relationship or about much of anything right now. He just goes about his day like everything is hunky dory, there's no rehabilitation program or counseling going on with him, and he's just doing great. I keep waiting to see what his punishment is going to be for this DUI. It's not going to be pretty and even though he says he knows this, he sure isn't acting like it. One minute he's bemoaning his plight in life and the next minute he's on top of the world and even buying stuff for himself. I guess if I was facing about $15K in DUI expenses I wouldn't be that into buying a stupid $200 chair for my office. I'd probably be tightening my belt. Anyway, I'm just frustrated with him right now. He seems to like to tell me how he doesn't think I'll ever be capable of trusting him ever again and how he would understand if I left him(victim mode here) and then the next minute he's telling me that he drank and hid it because I was so judgmental and that he had no choice. UGH, someone please tell me that I'm not the crazy one here!
I keep reciting the serenity prayer. Then I remind myself: I can't control it, I didn't cause it, and I can't cure it. The whole thing is befuddling! Hence, the reason they say that alcoholism is a baffling disease, right?