I Understand and it is very confusing. The family meeting at my son's place helped me greatly and this board helped me understand much more. My son entered 3 months ago. The first two weeks were hard,probably on both sides. I told him I was stepping out letting him work on himself. Being 1 1/2 hours away helped me with my issues. We got a list of "rules" and I refered to them in the first two weeks, if he wanted anything.
Good Luck