Originally Posted by
cynical one 
Your role is to start and work your own recovery as hard as you can. By going to AlAnon, NarAnon, or CODA, and participating in any family programs the rehab facility may offer.
A therapist who specializes in addiction helped me too, in addition to the above suggestions. I dove into family week at rehab like there was a treasure chest of gold at the bottom, and there was.
I quickly discovered my daughter and I were speaking the same language, instead of speaking in tongues. We began to understand personal boundaries because of 'keeping my side of the street clean'.
A year or so ago, cynical one pointed out that while we can't cure, control, or cause addiction, we can contribute to it. I definitely contributed to my daughter's disease.
By facing and addressing my enabling, control freak, codie thoughts and behaviors, I've gradually become a part of the solution, not the problem.