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Old 03-04-2012, 09:58 AM
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Chino
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Originally Posted by SeekingGrowth View Post
I have looked into several sober/recovery houses and am having trouble determining if this is a good option.... It seems like I can demand the same if he stays living with me, and like the sober houses would do, throw him out if he doesn't stick with the program.
It is a great option and will save your sanity, maybe even your personal relationship with him. To run your home like a recovery house puts you in a position of authority over him, not just your home. It will cause resentment for both of you, and most likely rebellion from him.

Most SLE's (sober living environments) require residents get a job. He'd be surrounded by other addicts because he's one, too. Those that run them are tough because that's what it takes. There's always a possibility someone will use/bring in drugs, but that is no different from what your son is doing now.

You can always call the rehab/detox facility he was at and ask for referrals.

Please know that unless your son is going through awful withdrawals that look like the worst case of flu ever, he's still using. Heroin leaves the system pretty fast and I'm sure he knows this by now. He could use the night before court and it won't show up in drug screen.

Another question: To what extent should I tolerate relapse? I'm told (by the inpatient program in which he participated) that relapse is a part of recovery, so it seems like a zero-tolerance, "I'm going to throw you out if you use again," may not be the right approach. Or is it? And if not, at what point to I draw the line and conclude that the amount of relapses equals a person who is not sufficiently serious about recovery?
The only relapse I ever tolerated by my daughter, was the one I didn't know about. She was one and done, jumped back on the wagon immediately, and there were no changes in her behavior. She told me about it later.

SLE's and rehab, whether in or out patient, don't tolerate relapses. They are out the door. Whoever told you they're a part of recovery must have meant elsewhere, not at their facility during that stay.

Please, please, please strongly consider "working the recovery program you wish he would," if you're not already. Addicts and enablers need each other. I quickly learned "if you're not a part of the solution, you're a part of the problem."

Welcome to the board and good for you, reaching out for help!
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