Becky1234

My husband of 13 years (both of us on our second marriage) has been sober for 3 years now. We both believe he is an alcoholic and substance abuser although this has never been confirmed. He would binge drink and then leave it alone for periods of time and then drink until he was unconscious, he also smoked marijuana continuously and when he had the chance he took presciptions pills - anything he happened to find in the cupboard.

I only discovered this after we got married. He always refused to get help or go to AA and then eventually he did it on his own and a 18 months ago he also gave up cigarettes.

Why is it that I can't celebrate and be happy about his achievements? And why do I find myself almost wishing he was still drinking?

He has become a horrible person and I can't bear to be with him anymore. So difficult and intolerant, angry and suspicious. He over-reacts to any situation and exagerates issues.

He has now moved out which we both agreed would be the best thing under the circumstances, otherwise we'll drive each other insane!

Now that he's gone I've suddenly woken up to what I've been living with and wondered why I tolerated it for this long. My children (19 and 24) refuse to have anything to do with him and are disappointed that I've allowed myself to go through all this misery.

On amaking enquiries about whether the alcohol and substance abuse could have caused damage to his mind, I've been told that it's possible he could have a personality disorder but then the term "dry drunk" has come up. It would seem that someone who abstains is still an alcoholic with the same issues that caused the problem in the first place and while he may not be drinking anymore he still needs help to address these issues.

Are these caused by the alcohol, or lack of it, or would they have already been in place and caused the abuse in the first place?

Anyone have any ideas about how this problem could be dealt with and whether I can hold out any hope for my marriage?

Thankyou